How to Deal with Sibling Arguments and Bickering

Those daily squabbles may be irritating to some and a fact of life for other parents, but the way we handle them can have a big impact on future fights and the relationship between our kids.

It’s important to have a plan on how to manage the unavoidable disagreements that crop up everyday. If you don’t have a system to resolve the petty disputes, it can turn into a deeper conflict that leads to more serious fall-outs.

While everyone situation and family is different, there are some common things to bear in mind when dealing with sibling arguments.

Generally …

  • Mostly harmless but can lead to long term rift.
  • Should be left to figure it out themselves.
  • Be aware of any problematic unresolved issues.
  • Ask them about it individually when they’ve calmed down.
  • Step in if there are nasty words, hitting or meanness.
  • Create a Family Dispute Resolution Plan (FDRP).

When asked to get involved …

  • Be calm, unemotional and balanced.
  • Don’t take sides regardless of who’s crying or younger.
  • Focus on cooling down heated emotions.
  • Show love and empathy to both sides.
  • Talk slowly and intentionally to calm everything down.
  • Be prepared to give this time & attention. Defer if needed. Don’t rush it or be impatient.
  • Use humor or distractions to break the intensity of the situation.

Resolving the conflict …

  • Give each child a chance to share their side of the story.
  • Speak to them individually if necessary.
  • Summarize the facts of the dispute together.
  • Identify unacceptable behavior that break house rules.
  • Point out any silly, avoidable & human mistakes.
  • Point out areas where emotions controlled actions.
  • Walkthrough the path of how things went wonky.
  • Discuss how key events could have been handled better.
  • Encourage them to accept both their own and their sibling’s mistakes.
  • Don’t force anyone to say or accept things they’re not comfortable with.
  • Highlight the important life lessons learnt.
  • Remind them resolving and managing conflicts is a superpower that makes them strong.